Pansexual, What’s that?
Uh oh, talking about sexuality here. The chef has left the building. Now entering a big ole super queer.
I am contemplating coming out to my estranged father now that we are a bit less estranged. I already know I am going to have to explain ‘what kind of gay’ I am. So, that has had me thinking about where, on the spectrum, I land in my sexuality.
For as long as I can remember I’ve been a very sexual person even, unfortunately, as a child. I think this is probably my early exposure to pornography and sexual abuse. Story for a different day. ANYHOW… I remember very clearly, being 7 y.o., and kissing the girl who lived across the street from me a couple of days after my childhood boyfriend broke up with me for the 243,860 time.
My mother came out to me as a lesbian when I was very young and shortly explained what that meant. I remember asking her one day if I was gay because I liked girls, too. She quickly answered with a ‘no’. On the other hand, I also remember very clearly my father telling me I was not allowed to be gay. He was very embarrassed of the whole ‘situation’ with my mother.
But despite getting no answers or real support from my parents, I’ve always know that I was a bit different. I liked boy AND girls. I knew that I would never be allowed to date a girl but that didn’t keep me from having secret girlfriends in high school or branching out after I was 16 and dating a few girls here and there. I always had long term boyfriends but never long term girlfriends. I think, deep down, I knew things would be harder for me if I were more open out my preferences in a significant other.
It wasn’t till I hit 18 and met an openly trans person that things became super confusing to me. While I lived in OKC, I had a super crush on my neighbor, Jay, who transitioned from male to female slowly over a few years. I thought she was wonderfully beautiful and was very intrigued when she shared one drunken night that she still had her penis and preferred to keep it. I went home to my boyfriend after that night, not knowing what to think or how to feel. I was super sexually attracted to her but was pretty confused about what that meant for me. Nothing serious ever happened between Jay and I, but I always wondered, ‘what if?’.
I was pretty excited to hear all these new terms coming out regarding sexual preferences like Asexual, bisexual, and pansexual. I’ve been a but lost in where I land on the line most of my life. So, when I read all about pansexuality, I was really excited that I found a term that fits how I feel. THEN, David Rose from Schitt’s Creek really put the cap on it all.
-David Rose (played by Dan Levy) from Schitt’s Creek
I cried the first time I heard those wise and moody words spoken from Dan Levy’s mouth. It summed up how I felt perfectly. I’m not attached to a label of a person (man, woman, trans masc, trans fem) but rather the person. Pansexual simply means a person that is attracted to other people of all or any genders. And that’s me, someone that’s attracted to anyone.
For more information about terms inside the LGBTQIA+ group, click here.
Be Well.
